This past year has been one of the strangest yet best years so far; lockdown was still around, so I was stuck in the house with only the food shop to do, so I became interested in at-home workouts and going out on the bike more.
Homelife was still strange as I’d never imagined mum being bed-bound. Still, in a way, it’s good and in another is a lot on my shoulders, but as I keep saying, I don’t mind, and the truth is I don’t, but there are days where I am stressed out because I want to get out of the house for a bit but with the lockdown that wasn’t possible but I did what I could.
I had no boyfriend to talk to daily. I quite liked that as there were days where I had nothing interesting to say, I also started changing things I’d never really thought much about, and that was the way I dress and what sort of things I wanted to have permanently on my body, such piercings and tattoos.
The piercings and tattoos came later in the month. Still, at the beginning of this year, I had just become friends with somebody from TikTok who we had this instant bond which was some what strange as we are in two different parts of the world, but somehow we were like old friends who hadn’t spoken for decades, we understood each other.
I’d never had a friend like this who genuinely wanted to know about what was going on with me and listened to my ramblings about many different things, then came along the group chat where there were many more people from TikTok who I’d become friends with just from a live stream we all have this great banter and are always there to support each other no matter what no questions asked.
As the year went on, I became closer and closer with my friend I made from TikTok as well as everyone else in the group chat; even though I am the youngest in the friendship group, they’ve never made me feel like it, as it got closer to the summer I started going out on walks again like I used to down to the country park with overlooks the airport where the planes land and take off I got really into photography again because I wanted to share it with my friends who had suddenly become my family
I thought going through a breakup the previous year had opened my eyes to things and made me become more like myself again. Still, the truth of the matter was that because I was so young when I got into that relationship, I hadn’t found myself or discovered my style or figured out who I was as an adult and not a teenager or a person who was part of a relationship, I had to stop and take in the fact I had no idea who I was anymore at 27 years old.
However, after speaking to my friends and speaking to other people who were life coaches on TikTok, I realised I had to create this whole new person and discover who I wanted to be and not what anyone else saw me. I can’t say that I have found who I want to be, but I now have the freedom to do what I want again and embrace my inner child and find a tattoo that resembles that inner child.
That inner child loved nothing more than waking up around 11 pm, knowing full well she should be in bed, but her dad was home and wanted to sit at his feet and watch TV or hold his hand again whilst taking the dog for a walk. As an adult, I missed things like that, but I had it with mum, still getting her to do something I know I can do but wanting her to do it for the sake of it.
When you become an adult, there isn’t a simple way out of things. There are things that I had genuinely missed whilst we were in and out of lockdown, and that was seeing people who had helped me become who I am with the work I do with the foster care kids; I’d missed being able to meet them for coffee and a good old natter.
So many people make new years resolutions and never keep to it, and I know I am one of those who do the same, but I know that it’s pointless making resolutions. I’ve learned, and the best thing to do is to set myself achievable goals that I want to take into the new year or to start doing in the new year, and I know for sure I have one so far, which is to get driving lessons again and pass my test before the next new year.
The other goals that I would love to do aren’t strictly possible, but I want to meet these people I’ve now got as a family, especially a person I call my big sister; she has been a tremendous help this past year, and I hope I have done the same for her too. I also want to catch up with others I haven’t seen in a while.
I genuinely have no idea where this new year is going to take me, but I know I am not as worried as I have been in the previous years; I don’t know what it is about the new year, but for some reason, it has always scared me, and I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s a change. It’s technically something new or the fear of the unknown, but this new year I hope that things work out much better and somehow I can achieve my goals and not give up as that’s the easy way out.